Did I naively pour a thousand-plus euros “down the drain”?

I’ve avoided writing about this topic for a few years because I don’t want people to think I’m crazy. But what else could you say about someone who pays for a construction service and patiently waits nearly seven years, without complaining, for its completion?

You see, in 2017, we discovered that the kitchen sink in our Montecarlo home was not connected to the sewer system. The sink outflow—the scarico—just drained onto the roof of our downstairs neighbor, ran across the surface and then flowed into the rain gutter. A downspout attached to the gutter dumped soapy water and food bits from our dishwasher into another neighbor’s field.

Our beautiful stairway to the attic.

Fortunately, the neighbor who owns the field is an absentee owner, the field is completely private, and the small amount of water Lucy and I put down the drain is absorbed quickly. The food bits are usually hidden by a healthy growth of grass that is watered regularly by rainfall even when we aren’t present. As far as we know, the field has only been used a few times during the nine years we’ve lived in Montecarlo—and we were away during these times and thus not using the sink. Still, I don’t need to be perfectly fluent in Italian to know that the city codes surely prohibit dumping gray water onto a neighbor’s property.

The pink plastic tube was added in 2019, but the water from
our sink still ends up in the rain gutter.

Knowing this, I got a preventivo—a price quote—to attach the drain to the sistema fognario—sewer system—as soon as I became aware of the situation. The price quote included several other projects, including adding a stairway to the attic, bringing our electrical wiring up to date, and adding walls and flooring in the attic. The itemized price quote listed the drain project as slightly in excess of 1,000 euro. All of the other work was completed in 2018 and 2019, but all that happened with the kitchen drain is that a plastic tube was added so the water didn’t run across the roof. It still runs into the gutter and ends up in the neighbor’s field.

So why hasn’t the drain work been finished? Maybe because the plumber friend that the contractor worked with has retired. That’s one of the reasons I’ve been given, but surely there is more to it than that.

The field below our house is completely
private and almost never used.

But just as relevant is the question: Why have I put up with this situation for so long without making a fuss? It’s because the contractor is also my neighbor, who lives just below us. All of the other work he has done for us has been of high quality, and he has also supervised our joint projects of painting the exterior of our house and replacing the roof. These projects involved obtaining permission from the city, something that would have been difficult for me to do. In summary, he’s been an invaluable resource, and I don’t want to alienate him and damage our relationship. I’ve brought the topic up a half dozen times over the years, and each time I am assured that he will complete the work as soon as he can, and that he knows it has been paid for already.

I can’t simply ask for my money back and use it to hire a different plumber, because connecting the drain is undoubtedly going to impact the neighbor’s home in some way. Our floor and his ceiling are obviously connected, so unless he can somehow connect the drain directly to the sewer line, he’s going to have to cut into a floor, a ceiling or a wall, at the very least. Having the neighbor’s cooperation is going to be essential, whether he hires the plumber, or I do.

An additional factor—perhaps the most important—is our friendship with the neighbors. One of the prime reasons Lucy and I come to Italy is to establish connections, to become part of the community, to make friends—and we are on the path to becoming friends with these neighbors.

Most people are familiar with the saying: “To have a friend, you must be a friend.” So I considered my choices—treat the neighbor as if I’m his customer, or as his friend? I chose the latter, even deciding that I’d rather end up trusting him and eventually getting ripped off than souring our relationship just to get the work done more quickly.

Having faith in someone can be powerful, as is illustrated by an anecdote in the memoir “The Cross and the Switchblade,” by David Wilkerson. Called to minister to gang members in Brooklyn, Wilkerson rents an auditorium and invites the young people in his neighborhood to attend a series of meetings. A raucous crowd shows up, including members of rival gangs. Not sure how to get their attention, he decides to take up a collection, and he selects Nicky Cruz, a leader of a prominent gang, to supervise passing the collection boxes. When Cruz and the other five young toughs reach the back of the auditorium, Wilkerson asks them to pass behind a curtain before coming to the stage to bring him the filled boxes. At this point, the crowd realizes that the gang members can easily just slip out the door and never return, cash in hand.

But they don’t. Impressed that someone has shown faith in them, they bring the money to Wilkerson—to the amazement of the crowd. Later, Cruz explains his reasoning:

“There was the door. It was wide open. Back in the arena some of them were laughing. They knew what we were pulling. My boys were watching me, waiting for the word to cut out. But I stood there. I didn’t know what it was; I had a funny feeling. Suddenly I knew what it was: That preacher trusted me. That never happened in my life before.”

I’m not trying to compare my neighbor to a gang member, but the message is clear. Wilkerson took a chance. He could have lost both money and face in front of a large crowd. Instead, Nicky Cruz responded to the trust Wilkerson showed. That same evening, Cruz answered the altar call and gave his life to God, later becoming a preacher himself.

I could also lose the money I paid for the drain, but by showing a bit of patience and restraint, the growing friendship between the neighbors and us will become stronger. The last time we discussed the work, about a month ago, the neighbor said he would be doing some remodeling of his house this summer, and as part of the work, he will attach our drain to the sewer system. And I trust that he will.